Mike’s Meandering Mumbles

But, let’s be honest, his rep was Bad!

Most expats tend to be a little to the right of centre (or even to the right of Genghis Khan, as I understand some leftwingers feel) but I am a bit concerned.  The performance of Labour under the esteemed Gordon has made an immense shift to the Conservatives from Labour but even with people running from the labourites as they would from a flasher I am unconvinced that such a change would be beneficial. It’s not so much the new policy on street drugs that worries me. After all with our failures in Afghanistan and South America it is clearly simpler to go with the flow and set up coin operated supplies, bypass the criminal elements – must be good!

No, my concerns are far more directed at the supporters of the Tories whose smiles scare the living daylights out of me!

As I vaguely recall this was a poem I was called upon to learn at school, but these days the rest eludes me. Possibly because I am a poor sleeper now even with the assistance of sheep. Just as well really since my best ideas often come while lying sleepless in the night. The way sporty English cars sell around the world, Aston and Morgans, leading me to consider the epitome of a UK car that is bound to attract the Japanese, the Greens and the more erudite of Americans.

And that is not all, my brain buzzes with ideas for making us rich. Snacks that no one could possibly resist, and not costly to produce. Especially living in Asia where we have easy access to the nasal products of so many different animals.

Another brilliant flash and the flipflop of choice for those who need an offit, as I learnt to call a bottle opener in Nigeria, accessible at all times, although personally the mere thought of opening a “lite” is depressing. “Excess in all things”, thats my personal creed.

Another bright idea, intended  to be bought by ladies with indifferent hair but with the desire to catch the eye of men, was the special dress that allowed modesty and immodesty at  the wearer’s choice with a simple opening.

But in spite of these wonderful ideas my wife did not feel that setting up as an entrepreneur was advisable. Possibly because she was concerned about where I came from, and it still saddens me that England is taken to mean the entire UK by so many. But anyway the idea is wrong, my inabilities in that direction are far more connected with the flashbacks.

However this mutter is more about the fact that my lethargy, stupidity (well, maybe that has another reason) and poor sleep is the result of sleep apnoea. And indeed the Hamad hospital have decided I need help. So here I was just yesterday, when finally reunited with Alice who took the photo, being shown the usage of the testing CPAP  and chip that will decide the pressure most suitable for me.

Continuing my meandering thoughts on hair the fact that Alice and I are going to the Sakura this evening makes me remember how ladies do like to get a new hairdo when any special occasion arises. I do think that this can be taken a shade too far on occasion though as there is a fine line between being exotic and being a total pratt. And I know, since I am renowned for taking that small step over the line regularly. However I can say, without much fear of contradiction that the chopper and the flowery hair styles can be immediately identified into the correct side of that step for each!

And I rather supect that punks, no matter how fine much of their music may be, have that similar tendency to overstep. But that does not mean that they may not actually be really sweet and soulful dreamers inside. And their penchant for bright hair colour, including red, does meet with my approval. Having said that my personal preference is for hair on both sides of the head, even when red.

Yes, long lovely red hair is a fine sight although black has its beauties (quickly added just in case Alice reads this!).

Of course should the hair not be quite as good as the owner likes it can often be rescued by the judicious addition of a hat. Here again Africa has much to teach us in the matter of recycling and utilising what might be otherwise discarded to create a thing of beauty.

This is something that men can also indulge in although some are less successful than others, the battered top hat leaving the wearer a touch too masculine to really be worthy of the idea of beauty. However some men can  realise the dream and more power to them, I say.

Women, naturally, are the experts and they have even designed a hat to wholly conceal a disastrous hairdo, although I personally would not wear it to a wedding.

But enough of this drivel, the entire reason for the mutters on hair is due to Alice having  had a hair cut and, in my opinion, looking pretty damn good. Just as well since growth does take time (unless we are thinking of my waist).

In my case that would be truer if it wasn’t that I already have lost the greater amount of my hair! But in fact I am thinking more of ladies’ hair since Alice has been considering growing hers long again. Like so many Filipinas, she had fairly long hair when we first met. She did cut it to shoulder height or thereabouts but after some time she decided to have it cut short, and very nice she looked; but that was back in 1998 and she has had various hankerings towards long hair since. These are usually sparked by her conviction that short hair requires far more trips to the hairdresser than long hair; even though long hair has hazards not seen with shorter styles.

In fact it was quite amusing as we walked across the road to our favourite outside Chinese restaurant in Nilai and the entire staff came to the front to see if I had actually arrived with some-one other than my wife! Most people realise my devotion to her fairly soon and are surprised if it looks at first glance if I may be with another.

We are all aware of the fact that hair can be a major attraction to we men, see the many styles that attention seeking ladies use as adornment. The one to the left is a particular eye catcher here in the Gulf. Of course this is far more appealing that the style to the right (since bacon is unavailable but steaks can be bought) and, sadly, usually leads to the lady soon attracting the attention of the guardians of morality. Who I may say intruded into my life yesterday. Alice and I were sitting in the male waiting area as yet again I waited to see a doctor. This usually causes no problems since we are married. However after a while a large and rather formidable female came up and directed Alice to the female waiting area. We pointed out that we were married but to no avail. That teaches us not to hold hands while sitting in an male area when no other ladies are around. But everywhere is different as shown by the African hair style here; with a hair dressing that I suspect would not be used by the long haired such as this charmer.

Longish hair does give rise to the ability to swing it vigorously and quite possibly cause as much havoc as my dog does on returning from the sea.

But even shorter long hair can cause  some interest particularly if combined with low riding jeans, especially if she is about to crouch and deliver the bowling ball, which might create an interesting scenario, certainly a sight far more interesting than my mutters.

I will return to this when next muttering, particularly since the latest Alice hair style has not yet been featured. However I will close by saying that I have always been fond of red hair.

Here in Doha there are plenty of places to eat and I find that they do conspire to keep me fat.  I do seem to suffer from an excess of Plumping Materials in spite of my efforts to reduce.

And when I eventually follow Alice home for my,  rather shorter, holiday then the attractions of both the restobar near to my country house and the one in the Mall rather closer to the city house will call me irresistibly, doubtless leading to even further plumping.

But being out with Alice and a few relatives, beer and wine on the table and food to come, makes such a pleasurable time that my failure to resist is wholly understandable. Particularly since this place has both Filipino food and a western choice or two.

And being perceived as a freely spending (oh how I wish I could be!) westerner I am not fazed by little problems such as this. This has a simple reason, as I am assumed to be rich (which can unfortunately lead to skin tax or higher prices because you are white) I naturally qualify for VIP status and so do not have to concern myself with the worries and crossed legs of lesser mortals.

A blessing of course at my advanced age and increasing prostate size, the bane of my life.

But enough of this, as unusually I cannot lay my hands immediately on a decent picture to conclude I will instead provide a small amount of titilation as these ladies move slowly around deciding how to titivate themselves.

I always thought that when Michael seemed to be in a situation where his talents were waning he should have taken a new view on life.

Gary was off entrancing the young of Asia which meant that a place existed which he could so easily have filled by becoming a vaunted replacement singer. After all the King of Pop could surely be thought of as the “Leader of the Gang”?

But at least with the conviction of one and the demise of the other there is less need for a place of safety.

I was wondering why I seemed to be harping on my charming wife so much in recent mumbles and then it hit me. It’s only a month and she and my youngest son, who flies in from boarding school in UK in just a couple of weeks, will fly off home to the Phils while leaving me to work a couple more weeks before I can join them.

The month before the family leave me I am always somewhat upset and just trust that Alice is going to put her all into maximising the time together before I am abandoned and left sad and lonely.

She will be off enjoying Cebu and all I will have is the odd visit to the local desert shop in the vague hope that I will find something that I am capable of cooking. Perhaps a camel’s tail or something else fairly simple.

So to cheer myself I must concentrate on the pleasures to come, such as the swift stroll to the beach and the fun to be had there.

There is more of course, getting back to my own transport and the excitement to be had rushing through the city and avoiding the traffic whilst enjoying the opportunities that are sometimes thrown up.

And of course there is the granddaughter, here seen as we arrived in a steak bar soon after I last landed. I suspect that, like me, she is fond of restaurants!

And the good thing is that she will not get spoiled because already she has her own job on the farm; the collection of the duck eggs. Ducks seem much more careless in their laying than our chickens, rather than hiding the eggs away they leave them scattered wherever they might have been at the time. So a young helper with good eyesight and a hardworking attitude is a blessing.

On top of all this the simple pleasure of being back in my own home with time to read the paper and, when pressed enough, to consider taking the pet for a walk is such a change from  my usual hard work out in the desert.

My mumbles show my appreciation of my marriage but then I have a wife of great good nature. Many people, women included, have a different view, some indeed coming to that conclusion quite early in the marriage! However at least turning to the assistance of that great marriage counsellor, Jack Daniels will probably help.

However, having spotted a few celebrations where the wife was getting carried away, perhaps a step or two too far, I do feel that the husband needs to take protective steps. Although perhaps, in this case, he is hoping for later private displays?

Of course the reality is that at the time of the wedding it is far too late. Having seen men in tears I feel a warning should be passed around to ensure that earlier checks are made.

It is not unkind to ask a friend to check from behind while you are taking a stroll as so often this can enlighten you and help you decide if you have a one-man-gal. And you need not immediately decide, good procedure requires that a double check is always made. Of course a repeated failure of good taste and morality must make one come to the conclusion that no matter how important teamwork is in a marriage, the teamwork has to be restricted to two people only. As indeed Lady Di used to say to me some years ago when I would drop round to Buck House for afternoon tea and biscuits.

However none of these worries apply to me. I was a bit surprised at the page boys and bridesmaids at the wedding but this was merely a matter of show and the years of our marriage have only made me more assured that it may truly be possible that there are soul mates. Don’t get me wrong we occasionally have our little upsets but these are are short term and in comparison to our normal life time absorption in one another have no effect at all. As can be seen in this photograph taken on our 15th anniversary.

I have had a persistant cough for two months following on from my last leave in the Phils. Not a pleasure when everyone appears horrified at any such symptoms. But at last it has been cured, and if only the rest of my recurring ailments would also be cured. Having said that the surgeon conversing with me made a huge difference in my life by going in to sort out some emergency work done by another.

While there are a few compensations from visiting hospitals regularly I would really prefer to avoid quite so many trips there; since they have become very blase about my being a patient and in my opinion do not treat me as well as they should when you consider how much I pay each time. However I try to make the best of it, as one should if you don’t want to spend your life moaning.

So I try to use my rose coloured glasses at all times to ensure that I se the best of life.

But the good thing is that I have Alice and even after eighteen and a half years of marriage I still find that everything changes when she is near me. And that’s how it should be of course. I have been very lucky in my life having had two good marriages, and to find Alice after losing my first wife to cancer really makes me realise that I have been blessed and so I find a return to religion is warranted.

Of course I began to realise there might be risks in living the LSD life and slowly my thoughts began to include a feeling that maybe, just maybe, there was something else to be considered.

So one day while doing the washing up with my pet kitten I came to a conviction that to avoid a worse conviction I should consider other ways of enjoying myself. My mind went hither and thither and eventually I decided that wine was something that people made a fuss about and so, with the exception of the idea of ever spitting out a mouthful, I decided that the way forward was through the grape. And it welcomed me as I swam into the lovely pool of Merlot. Mind you, I did feel that this may have been a shade excessive even for me but I did not falter and soon was able to wallow in wine with the best of them.

And of course there is always the worry that the  affinity of wine for food may be your downfall, as indeed it was mine. Somehow as time passed the odd open sandwich with a small glass of wine or the full English breakfast that so much called for a bottle or two of strong red wine (in UK I liked Bull’s Blood but now I just choose my wine by the alcohol content) seem to have amended my shape somewhat. Which might have been a pity since after a bottle or two of wine all ladies seem to look more attractive, on occasion almost looking as good as my wife does. However thankfully I am not the straying type, which is just as well, since when having a quiet glass of wine I am hardly the most attractive sight!

But as I meander on through my own version of the world, so much nicer than the one full of sadness, despair, monetary collapse, war, pestilence, disease and Lady Gaga I cannot help but feel that I should have listened to the Thought for the Day.

It is many years since I took a major interest in drugs, the fact that alcohol is not criminalised is nice, even here in Qatar I have my booze licence and have no need to investigate other sources of pleasure. Although Alice and I are going to a Thai eatery this evening which has things to eat that definitely make the body react.

But decades earlier it was always nice to see the candy lady with her various options on mind expanding items. Of course always being interested in food I had a special liking for that ice-cream concoction of hers. Maybe that is why I like the lemon sorbet that Alice now makes, heavily impregnated with Vodka. Don’t ask me why, she is the expert in the kitchen.

But the candy lady and our ingestations probably explain why our simple friendly gatherings always looked odd to outsiders.

But I am glad to say that the “green” world reclaimed me from my excesses and taking up with a band I migrated on the pastures new. In fact this new beginning also turned me on to other methods of expanding the mind and I took up yoga, I could not twist myself into the postures of yesteryear any more but at the time there was no doubt that it had a powerful affect on me, and may explain my present problems with my joints (not spliffs).

But we lived a pleasant simple life in that era interested in trees, children and of course their books. It was perhaps the horrid discovery in such a book that led me to cast aside both my druggie ways and my experiments with the greens and yoga and turn to the sustainer of my life, booze.

Remaining with the thoughts of food and subsequent waste, I think of the many meals I have enjoyed in various parts of the world, some naturally being more pleasant than others.

There is a special pleasure in finding those foods less eaten in the west that really appeal to the taste buds. One thing it taught me was the great difference in the palate of Alice and I; with my eager desire to eat as much lobster as possible and my wife’s similar desire aimed at crabs.

It was a rare occasion when we found, as we did in Cherating, somewhere that provided both so we both had the great enjoyment of over indulgence together. And talking about which I do not see why I should have become obese when the female sex can remain slim in spite of so many having a love for biscuits.

But we all know that trying overly exotic food can lead to a certain amount of concern the following day. With the subsequent need for specialist equipment; and with dire results should it not be available.

And sometimes the  lack of equipment arises due to one’s own negligence in closing the door, flocks of hungry sheep are spread around the world all seeking that special pleasure of ensuring that we humans have an unfortunate experience.

And the risk is even higher when your toilet is designed in a manner such as this.

But harking back to the biscuits I suspect that the difference in size between male and female meals might explain the matter, although the displayed lady does seem to be hitting more of a male portion than a female one.

However we know the norm and perhaps that is why I find myself so often wondering if I am about to have a bad experience. Having had a couple of past attacks I really would now prefer to avoid them!

I have suffered from an early age, when my parents adapted the dummy to suit them rather than me. And matters did not really improve as I aged, it is heart breaking to go to a dinner party and find that your portion of the table is being pulled out and moved to a less salubrious area.

I really thought that as I aged matters would improve only to find that I am now receiving messages that imply that I am not held in the greatest of respect.

Even when I was told that I was to receive a new and somewhat executive style office I found that in actuality there were hidden, or perhaps not as well hidden as they should be, faults.

It is no wonder that I have lived my life in a manner  that Bacchus would approve; and what a fun way to live, although I did rather enjoy the more chemical pleasures of the 60s, to be honest.

But now I face the night terrors and, after being almost as blameless as humanly possible for so many decades, this does rather upset me.